his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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