how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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