A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
