he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm too high and old for this...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
