She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
