I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
