just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Less talking, more tequila
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
