I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
