Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
