i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
