I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
