so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
