dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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