I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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