I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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