in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
