Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize