I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
