When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
