A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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