My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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