Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
