If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
