who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
