I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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