I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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