508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
