The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
