i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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