So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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