and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
