It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
