(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We are all done wearing pants today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
