Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
