just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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