I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize