He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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