What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
