Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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