Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
