Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
