You're my little dorito
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize