Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have aggressive nipples.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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