i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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