Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
