I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize