at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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