so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
