My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
