So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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