I am puke
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
