Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
