I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
