I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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