The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
