Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
