I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize