I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
