The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
