I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
