i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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