i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
